PISTOLS AT DAWN

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Shanghai doesn't really have a rippling underbelly of gun-toting gangstas and pistol-whipping mofos popping caps in each others asses but for those of you missing 'tha block' here are a few digs you can check; so pack it up, pack it in and let me start.

Over on Huaihai Lu if you snake between the various Starbucks and top-end fashion outlets then go down a seedy alley and past a uniformed guard you will be ushered into a lift and taken to the Modern Military Sports Club. This is exactly the sort of place you need if you just want to shoot the hell out of something and let off steam; it's tacky, feels unsafe and has a plethora of big killing machines for you to wave around wildly while chewing a fat cigar and laughing maniacally. The price can build up if you get carried away but then you can just have a game of table tennis to relax... of course you can, I mean why wouldn't you be able to?

If real guns are a bit too... well, real, then up at Hongkou Stadium is the place for you. Planet Laser Tag is actually inside the stadium itself which can be dementing for those of us who expect addresses to tell you such information and end up walking up and down the adjacent street confusedly whinging that "the only building with a fourth floor is that one that we've walked past 8 times already and can be damn sure it doesn't have any guns in it, real or otherwise!" Before finally realizing that the other building with four floors in it is that vast stadium just over the way that's been hiding behind it's own enormity, and then having to swallow my pride (and almost my tongue in hidden anger). Equally impressive yet comfortingly less deadly is the array of weapons here. For a small supplement to the reasonable 58rmb price per person per game, you can be kitted out with a shotgun or a machine gun, a space gun, a sniper rifle or even a grenade launcher (the logistics baffle me). The "killzone" is pretty big and you are treated to some well-picked tunes to bring out the lone soldier in all of us. You can choose between team games like 'Indiana Jones' and the, to my mind more favourable, free-for-all killfest.



For the more cultured killer you might like to try your hand at indoor archery at one of the Daoshun Archery centres across Shanghai. Extremely helpful staff will put various levels of protection onto you and then place the bow in your hand, string the first arrow and pretty much loose the shaft for you themselves. Despite the slightly over the top handling of the customer, the facilities are good and the staff friendly oh and of course you can play table tennis as well. With prices starting at 8rmb for 12 arrows and sky-rocketing to 12rmb for the same in the evenings you are hardly being ripped off, and with a membership card these prices drop even further. So let the red mist descend and the carnage begin!